My heart is heavy. I am constantly fighting myself for my own future. I have never been huge on burning bridges and I think my desire for keep in good standing with nearly everyone governs my behavior well. Conversely, I am very determined to be myself at all times and though that includes a large degree of professional and social courtesy, if I offend someone, I have to let that go.
Pleasing everyone is impossible and whether it is our life experiences or instincts to do so, we all have things that rub us the wrong way. Since there are so many things that come into conflict with each other in our lives externally and internally, it is impossible to make the right or even best choice every time. The only hope one has is to create their own moral compass and stick to it as much as possible.
In my case, I use three things to govern my behavior: Necessity, desire and honor. Do I need to? Do I want to? Should I? This is my Triangle of Morality and anything that falls within into the center of it is an instant yes and anything that falls on any of the lines between those three points has to be weighed on. My eternal struggles is for balance, a perfect equilateral triangle if you will. Both fortunately and unfortunately, my triangle seems to be forever scalene. Even in those times when I believe I am getting the hang of this thing called life, new information comes into the equation and I am forced back to the drawing board.
I say that this is both fortunate and unfortunate, because while it gives me more work to do, that work is rewarding. Adversity breeds experience and and a problem to solve, which in turn breed knowledge and wisdom, the two most valuable things in the universe. At least this is true from my vantage point of infinity. I struggle because I must and I appreciate it because it makes me better.
Love, hate, gain, loss, success, failure, etcetera. They exist for the purpose of preparing you for what is coming and giving you that which you need to pass on to the next generation. Evolution favors the bloodlines that constantly improve, knowledge and wisdom are the quickest and best ways to do so. There is a reason why humanity has the largest capacity for intelligence on the planet. Our superior minds trump the superior bodies and physical abilities of other animals.
This is my life and I choose to live for the future and those to come after me. I hope that my descendants and those who’s lives I touch do the same. I want to leave the world a better than I came into. Until then I will continue to search for my equilateral triangle. Necessity, desire and most of all, honor.