Missing Inaction

This has been such an insane few months. I have relaunched my personal YouTube channel to be more storytelling based for voice and writing purposes. I have begun posting to my gaming YouTube channel again. I have begun Twitch and Facebook streaming (I’ll post links to stuff below). I have been doing voice work more and I recently landed a very lucrative contract. All of those things, in addition to my usual writing and being the father of a toddler, have been keeping me very very busy. So much so that I have been neglecting this platform, which has always been among my favorites.

I have had many recent stresses, too numerous to list here, but some of which I have posted a rant about on my gaming channel:

Gaming With Glory – Launch Season Shenanigans.

If you don’t have time for a twenty minute video, the short version is that it has been neither easy nor fun to get a Playstation 5, but I finally got one this Saturday. I was so excited and felt as if I could finally do other things! I could stop obsessing over a difficulty I could barely wrap my head around. It was such a relief!

Then I got news that a beloved family member had passed away in a wholly inexplicable and unexpected way. This family member was very young, with a very bright future and a very warm smile. In all of the struggles this year has brought, I lost someone dear to me and I’m at a point where a single year without the death of a loved one is starting to feel out of the question, as last year I lost my uncle and the year before I lost a close friend. It feels so immensely frustrating.

However, when these things happen, I always find myself feeling more powerfully motivated. I have a harder time sleeping which leaves me with a desire to fight the silence with increased work. So in addition to this already busy rollercoaster of a year, I am now drowning myself in even more.

If I can be completely honest: I’m tired. So very tired. I’m missing the glorious mental atrophy that comes with inaction. I just want to lay there and do nothing, but I have an extremely deep fear of my own thoughts in times like these. I avoid social situations due to a desire to avoid spiraling in those personal relationships as I can have a tendency to lash out, even when I don’t want to. It is something I have been working on, but pushing people away to protect my own feelings has always been high on ly list of defense mechanisms. I have learned a lot about myself over this past year, but I’ll leave that for another post.

As for now, I’m going to ONCE AGAIN apologize for neglecting this site that I love oh so much. Then I’m going to get back to work on a couple more promising projects vigorously until I hopefully fall asleep. Perhaps I’ll get lucky and dream of future stories and endeavors. I love you all, be good to each other.

Gaming YouTube

Storytelling Youtube

Facebook

Twitch Channel