Homesick At Home

I was supposed to come home for two weeks for Christmas and New Year, but I have been home for nearly a month and I will be here for another two weeks. I miss it. It’s insane because I was only in California for about three weeks and being home in New Orleans feels so good. The first time I delayed my flight was due to the tragedy of my grandmother Marion Jones passing away. The next time was because my mother said she needed some help with a few things before I leave. I haven’t found a job in California yet, so I figured I would stay a little longer.

The problem I’m having now is the fact that the longer I stay the more I want to stay. This is especially true because a teaching job I wanted before is open again. It puts fear in me, because now I feel like I’m gambling. There’s a decent and guaranteed job here that pays less than I want, but has an enormous amount of security. Should I take it? If I don’t and I decide to stay in California, I will miss the opportunity, but I will have a larger chance to get a job I really want. All I want to do is write. That is all I have ever wanted to do.

There’s so much love and happiness here for me though. Maybe I should take the simpler and more mundane path to guarantee pay and benefits and maybe return to school in the meantime. Goddess that sound horrible. I just want to write and make a living doing what I love. I am conflicted now.

No matter what I choose, the majority of my belongings (including my vehicle and video games) are still in California, so I have to go back. I am at a crossroads in life and I truly don’t know what I’m supposed to do. Maybe I can bide my time to see which path is more appropriate. The universe will guide me. This will work out for the best.

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